Spontaneous

I like to have a plan. I like to know what to expect. I like being home at a certain hour. Heck, I just like being home. Most of all I don't like letting people down, and with my scattered brain that happens easily when I abandon my plan. So I struggle with being spontaneous. It seems like its such a value in our society, to be able to change plans on a whim. Its not something that comes easy to me. Two summers ago my brother and cousin asked me to go with them to Twin Falls for the temple open house up there. On a whim I said yes. I was so proud of myself that I was being spontaneous and really living life. It felt great (even being pulled over for speeding wasn't too bad). That is, until I got a phone call. "Hi Kim, its Gerry. I'm at the school for our meeting. Hopefully you're just running late. See you soon." AH! I had a meeting with a teacher I worked with. She was going to train me on how to run our student officer training meeting. The joy I previously felt turned into a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. No, spontaneity is not part of my personality. Too often, for my scattered brain, it came at a price.

Still I continue to make a few spontaneous decisions in my life. I think even the most boring human on earth will have a few spontaneous moments. Sometimes I regret them (most often) and sometimes they turn out alright (rarely). Last night was one of the great victories for spontaneity.

Not being able to have lunch together, my brother and I decide to change our plans to dinner that night. And, he adds, if you want you could come to the concert with us as well. "Us" includes him, his girlfriend Martha, and her sister and brother-in-law. I tell him that I will think about it. And I do. I ask Adam. And like always he puts the choice right back on me. So I finally do the spontaneous thing to do and buy our concert tickets. When Adam gets home we drive down for dinner. We are late by 20 minutes and I start to have my panic attack. Its going to be bad I can feel it. This night is not going to go smoothly. But when we get to Olive Garden they have only just been seated, and we're really not that late at all. Andrew and Martha have to go home for their tickets, but by the time they get to the concert they have only missed two songs played by the opening act. And we have good spots in this tiny little venue, which can be difficult to secure. And the show was amazing. And the night when totally smoothly. And it was super fun to be out with my brother and my husband and some friends. And I suddenly realized to myself, during the last two songs of the evening, that I had been able to be spontaneous and not freak out. Victory!